Masters of Health Magazine April 2020 | Page 65

When you speak, use my X/Y Formula and simply describe in a calm way what was said or done (that’s X) and how you feel about it (that’s Y).

Reformulate the sentence so the word “you” is omitted. Instead of saying, “I feel X when YOU say or do Y” say instead, “I feel X when Y is said or done.”

Most importantly, when describing what was said or done and how you feel, you must mention the Old Scar that was activated by the current trigger. In this way, you are mining your intimate relationships for their highest and most divine purpose—to help each other heal our Old Scars from childhood. In discussing your Old Scar, you instantly transform the person who stepped on your psychological toes from enemy into ally, enabling him or her to empathize with your early pain, and give you the response you needed way back when. In this way, we help each other heal our Old Scars. As the Old Scars are healed, anger and fighting fade away.

As a final note, on the road to conflict resolution, listening is the superhighway.

Ninety-nine percent of conflicts can be resolved by truly listening and understanding each other.

This is because listening is love in action.

Keep in mind that listening is an active process of conveying that we heard what the presenter is saying. We do this by repeating back what we heard and allowing the presenter to correct our understanding until the presenter says, “You got it.”

Good listening is so powerful because it provides the deepest healing of our Old Scars. As we listen with love, we offer what’s called the corrective emotional experience, as we understand each other’s pain the way many of our parents may not have done.

God gave us two ears and one mouth so we would listen more and speak less.

Obviously, I can’t condense my entire method in this short article.

I invite you to use this time to transform your house into a true love lab. Use this sacred time to perfect my conflict-resolution method as presented in Kiss Your Fights Goodbye: Dr. Love’s Ten Simple Steps to Cooling Conflict and Rekindling Your Relationship in paperback and Kindle editions:

Wishing you all the love in this world and beyond,

Dr. Jamie Turndorf